my being single is dangerous.
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
Randomize
