I can tuck mytits in my pants
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
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