We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
Randomize
