I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
Randomize
