once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
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