she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
Randomize
