It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
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