No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
Randomize
