Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
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