I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
Randomize
