So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
Randomize
