She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
Randomize
