Ha. No worries! So loud here &god I love drag queens! How does it happen, the congealing?
just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
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