I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
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