dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
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