i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
He called his prostate his "boner button".
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
Randomize
