I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
Randomize
