Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
you are hot. that is all.
who is this?
the delivery driver from silvermine.
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
Randomize
