So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
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