hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
im drinking this country out of the recession.
that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
Randomize
