3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
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