oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
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