You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
as a side note pls kill me
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
Randomize
