am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
Gay?
German.
Pity.
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
Randomize
