I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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