he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
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