The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
is that a dick in a sweater?
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
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