Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
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