He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
if i died would you start the facebook group?
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
Drunk is not a location!
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
Randomize
