Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
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