dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
Randomize
