THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
Randomize
