i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
Randomize
