im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
Randomize
