maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
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