so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
Randomize
