I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
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