what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
They should really pass out barf bags in church
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
Randomize
