just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
false alarm, still single
Never joke about your clitoris.
Randomize
