...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
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