I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
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