Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
Randomize
