I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
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