she was so not down for the gang bang
i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
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