Dude my mom stole all your condoms
lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
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