so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
I would ride that face into the sunset
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
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