I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
its not stalking. its research.
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
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