Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
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