I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
Randomize
