ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
Ok Ghana you win again. Tell you what...Double or nothing over women's tennis, basketball, hockey, war, baseball, golf, swimming, diving, oil spills, box office proceeds, internet porn sites, criminals incarcerated, women's downhill, bass fishing, NASCAR, or GDP?
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
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