Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
Randomize
